it's over!?! =) =( =)

alright, alright. so this is the last blog, and i'm finally gonna do everything i've wanted to do with this blog all semester, but didn't think i could. i'm gonna forget capital letters, i'm gonna write words like "gonna," and i might even intntionally missssspell a word or to. wow! that feels awesome!!! ok, so this entire semester i took the blog completely seriously. i would write a standard one-page, single-spaced reading response in Word, and copy and paste it on blogger. it was time-consuming, tedious, and completely ungratifying because i got NO feedback on the the quality of my thoughts or writing style. because writing this blogs, which more than once turned out to be 4-page essays, took me so long, it wasn't until waaaaay into the semester that i finally made time to start looking at everyone else's blogs, and i was stunned...for a couple reasons. first thought: jealousy. their posts were like journals, like unplanned, free-flowing thoughts, like a discussion. they were fun to read and had interesting references to applications that pple actually go to on the web. THAT is something i am really interested in because i know so little about it. sometimes i feel completely out of the loop with all this new media stuff because i've never done livejournal or xanga. before this class, i never wrote a blog or "stepped" into a chat room or knew about online comics or thought video games had any redeeming value besdies (oh yeah! i am sooo leaving that type-o!) developing hand-eye coordination, and i even thought that was a lame reward--try basketball!

so, anyways, after being jealous, and then being interested, i then became curious: could i write like that, too? are they disobeying the instructions? did i not understand the instructions? from the first day of class i remember hearing that one blog is supposed to be a reading response, and one general thoughts. when i took KF's intro class my frosh year, i worked my A** (can i actually say it?) off with those reading responses. the grade was out of 10 points, and i aimed for that 10 like there was no tomorrow. i'm not a complete grade-grubber, but the cool thing about KF's grading was that, in general, i felt i totally earned every grade i got. so a 10 meant that i was writing to my potential. coming into this class, i thought blogging would be no different. write it in word and post in online. simple. ok, so i know nothing about online social culture. not getting feedback left me unmotivated; why should i devote so much time to creating a (at least in mind) perfectly shaped piece of writing if no one's gonna read it?? that has been confusing me the whole class--what's important? when is a blog NOT good or a project idea NOT developed enough? yeah, i'll write for me; it's not jsut(<--oh yeah!) for the class. and honestly when i did sit down and write those four-page essays on wikipedia or virtual reality in the movie vanilla sky and did that research to find out that cryogenic freezing actually does exist and when i started taking the freedom of the blog to comment on how i wanted to use new media and how i was finally starting to see it in sites i was using, like the pomona website, something as standard as that--when all of this happened, i did have a good time and learning was fun and invigorating.

as i have come to realize that there is virtually no restrictions to these blogs except for the fact that they have to actually be here and have at least something to do with the reading, i have really had to think about the value of traditional assignments or lack thereof and the restrictions of expression or likelihood of the assignment getting done and being a polished piece that everyone can read...they say that the internet gives pple a voice, but it can almost seem liek (<--that's rgiht!<--doubel<--triple time!!!) the opposite. when i write on assignment on paper, i know at least someone is gonna read it and really consider it--the teacher. i also know that i will keep it and perhaps reference it later in the year, during another semester or even after college. i do that sometimes with elementary school stuff. if you put your heart into something and really grow in the process of doing it, you want to remember it and you want at least SOMEBODY to validate it, to validate you and who you are and what you are trying to become. so then, the internet is like throwing a letter in a bottle into the ocean--it might seem romantic--because potentially aaaannybody could read it--but realistically, your ideas are lost to the world. it's largely symbolic, and it's largely for the cathartic purposes of the actor. and right now, that is what this blog is for me. i really don't think anyone is gonna read it, and even if you do, i don't think you're going to read up to here. (if someone does, please send a reply blog to me, and i will take you out to lunch in the village--seriously.) anyways, this blog about blogging has actually been excellent for me to just say practically everything i wanted to say about this course and my frustrations and my excitements.

to start summing up:

• i Y stream-of-consciousness writing!!!! and the subtle yet exhiar(<--eee!) lating feel of not capitalizing things and not worrying about strucutre and if this sentence says exactly what i want it to to fit into this paragraph to fit into this argument to prove this one point. i cannot believe that it took me this long to realize that i could do this for this class!

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVW X YZ

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

• my g r a d u a l transition b P from formal F reading response to this J , my first post NOT r written in word first, my first post WITH grammatical errors (at least on purpose)--this progression has been really interesting. i think i have been able to appreciate the readings whichever way i write, but i lament the fact that i did not interact more with the rest of teh class. i was too busy doing the student thing--the i'm-gonna-write-the-best-paper-ever thing. !fp!! (stressful) that's sooooooo restricting.
• I Y blogging at PO! now that i'm finally reading other people's blogs, i love it! i mean, it's like i'm getting letters written to me, like i'm having a "fireside chat" as they advertised in the digester the other day (it was in harwood, did anyone go?). it's like the intellectual student-student exchange you come to college for, but on your own time, and actually FOR class!! i have sorta looked into a couple of chat rooms/blogs, and they seem so pointless--writing stuff you don't have time to write, about stuff you probably don't care that much about, to pple who probably (and understandably) don't care about you or have very much in common with you other than boredom. but *THIS* is somehow better. even though i don't think anybody's gonna read this, i just feeeel like i saying something in a community that feels like home, in a place that, if pple do read this, they might actually think it means something, they might actually care and some sort of interaction might actually come about because of it. or maybe not, cuz of the whole anonymity thing. but you never know. you're gonna have to tell me where to meet you, if you want that free lunch in the village-haha! but, yeah, so i'm thinking of the movie you've got mail (which is awesome by the way, as far as msuhy- ["msuhy" looks so much mushy-er than "mushy"] romantic-comedies-that-can-potentially-say-something-moving-about-society go). in that movie, meg ryan and tom hanks have these meaningful exchanges with an anonymous person. although i have no tom hanks/meg ryan, i feel listened to. (i wonder what social networking deal they used??)

IN CONCLUSION i just want to say a silent thank you to you all. i guess why i'm feeling this blog, and can't feel common public blogs is that whole thing about "imagined community"; it's something intangible that makes communication worthwhile, not so much the F2F (face-to-face). i have really enjoyed being in class with all of you and talking to you and making lots of new friends who regrettably are mostly soon-to-be-departing seniors. i luved the final projects; being a recent media studies fan, i can sorta see what i want to learn now, to be able to do some of what y'all did. it's funny. just writing this blog--my first one not originally on Word--makes such a difference. the internet interface, the feeling of writing to friends and not just a teacher (no offense, if you're reading this KF), the ability to mess with all the the webdings fonts...it's pretty awesome. and different. i'm looking around and there's some cool html-tab things that i wish i had looked into a little earlier this semester. maybe i could've made the webdings sing and dance for y'all--lol! =) maybe if we take digital art together next semester... ok-enough is enough! i'm going to bed! peace out! much luv, and hopefully i'll see you all around. say hi!

wild c 15

as pple say ] :

onward 48 and upward 5!!

fun game if you have time (and are bored and playfully creative)now or during winter break.

Make a story/poem from these random webdings. mine's underneath. it's a very freudian thing to do, and it's funny what you end up saying. merry christmas/happy hannukkah/go kwanza--ok, just have a nice break, you pluralistic society, you! con carino and mahal

~@&BUH:CXTR#$9853whinfsd

like thunder we work with tools and win medals and blah blah and then go home. fast forward, and we're climbing a pyramid that is life and it's like a megaphone is shouting at us and blah blah-danger! railroad tracks! where did that come from? oh well, such is life. what? does that say no alcohol? not sure, i'll just ignore it, lookin cool in my sunglasses. oops! i need to rewind--should've paid attention to the no alcohol sign. ok, fast forward again. there are ups and downs in life and we aim for a certain sweet spot, the hole-in-one feel. sometimes there are troubles (siren!) it's all about figuring out the "i"--where do i fit in this big dark circle-thing (i mean earth). there's a train call. should i stop writing? yeah, it's the po-po; better go to sleep before i get into (more) trouble.